I still feel empty. Used. Restless. Sad. Used. Used. And used.
I can’t bear to think people don’t feel like I feel. I think it’s a shame. Or maybe it’s a shame for me to feel how I feel.

I need a cup of tea. Shameless flavor please. Thank you.
I need to let people know that Evan Forbes is my past — and my ex-boyfriend. That he’s no good for me. That he made me laugh and made me cry, but I guess this is the past, goodbye.

I still have something stuck on my throat. My throat is tied. I feel like crying, but I can’t. Because my throat is tied. Crying is sometimes the solution, okay? I’m sorry, but that’s the way I see things. Another way I see things is as an experience. I should think about that more often. But sometimes experiences can be overwhelming, and they’re not easy to forget.

Okay. I feel like diving into the Delaware River. No. No swimming, Evan is a swimer. I feel like running away. No, Evan runs too. I feel like disappering. He also disappears. From my life. I feel like, teletransporting to a place where birds sings a lullaby, where the river makes a confortable sound, where the moon shines bright and makes my light, where people are unknown, where there’s no life. I’m not a poet by the way. I’m just a ordinary person who has a broken heart that it seems it will never be fixed again. But it will. I need to forget him. He’s no good for me. He’s no good. No good. No damn good. No fucking good.

So… I’ve been out for like a month? And in a month my life could be a four hour movie. Words cannot describe my mood right now. I feel reliefed, in some way, used. But not quite though. Everything is an experience, that’s how I see things.

A pep rally, a Homecoming dance, and… a boyfriend.
Couldn’t be better. Never been better, thank you very much. But this week was the craziest week of my life. But now I look back, with wide eyes and I want to correct every mistake I made. Maybe I wouldn’t have one of the three things, maybe I wouldn’t have it all. Or maybe I would have it ’till right now.
My throat feels weird. It feels deep and… dry. Maybe it’s because I am trying not to cry. But it hurts. I should cry myself to sleep.
Why do I have to be me? Why so Me? Why can’t I be a little bit like Lauren Palma and just own things up, take over places, and get all the attention. But I got the attention alright. I never said so many ‘hi’s’ in my whole entire life like I did this week.
I feel empty inside. I don’t know who I am right now. My mind is floating in the Atlantic Ocean and I don’t expect to come back soon.
Expect.
Expect is a word that I am never hoping to hear soon. Or maybe expecting something soon.
I need to go. I love you all.